Life is not easy...in fact it can be downright difficult. While the world is an amazing place full of wonder and beauty and yes even miracles, it is full of humans, and as humans we are not perfect.
Even if we strive every day to be kind and loving, living to the best of our abilities, life can get in the way. In fact, I say a lot....I failed in some way because life got in the way.
Krista, John, and I were driving back from Reno after going over some of her wedding details, and it is an amazingly long drive. John being the driving machine that he is did all the driving and I got to have the back seat all to myself. This in and of itself is a rare thing...to have the back seat alone. I must say it has it's good and bad points, but for the most part it was nice to be able to be quiet and think for a while.
To fill part of my time I watched Silver Linings Playbook on my laptop. The laptop my husband so generously gave me for Christmas 2 years ago. It is based around two people who are both suffering from mental illness but to varying degrees, who become friends and then help each other discover who they really are. Before they become friends, they are out running, and he calls her a big slut reminding her of all the bad choices she has made in the past, remember he is human and as humans we say things that we very often do not really intend to say, let alone mean. She stops dead in her tracks, bending over not believing what he has just thrown back in her face. He realizes what has just come out of his mouth and immediately apologizes, but the damage has been done. And she says the most profound thing...."I was a big slut, but I am not that any more. There is always going to be a part of me that is sloppy and dirty, but I like that!! Right along with all the other parts of myself! Can you say the same about yourself? Can you forgive? Are you any good at that?"
Life is messy and sometimes dirty, and I am sloppy and dirty right there with the best of them. But I am trying....trying be be a little better each day....trying to be a little softer and a little kinder each day. Trying to find the beauty in the world and the people around me. Trying to be more forgiving and less judgmental, knowing that EVERYONE is a little sloppy and dirty sometimes. It just has a way of showing up better on some people. So even though we may not see it....everyone is sloppy and dirty somewhere. The trick is to see the sloppy and dirty and try to clean it up once in a while.
After camping one deer season, we got together with the rest of the hunting party to have dinner. One of my husbands friends commented on how "I clean up nicely"....
That has been quite a while ago. I hope I still clean up nicely....but I embrace my sloppy and dirty. It along with all the rest of life has made me who I am today. And I like it......
Can you say the same about yourself??
1 comment:
I am so impressed with your writing ability. And I just re-read most of your blog going back for years. YOU should be a photographer. Blogs are wonderful for re-living the past, and remembering. I've started mine back up also, after a year's absence. Keep writing!
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