New Beginnings

It has been a long time since I have entered any words of any kind here.  Much has happened in the past few months.  Time and life have a way of getting away from us at times.  It's funny, how as children time moves so very slowly, sometimes painfully slow.  Looking forward to Christmas or my birthday when I was younger seemed like a never ending dream that would never come into light.  We had a tradition in our home that we would open one present on Christmas Eve, and would save one present for Christmas night.  Deciding which ones to choose was so very important then.  Which treasure to open early....and more importantly, which one to hang onto until the very end.

This was no small feet for my parents.  I still am unsure to this day how my mother and father managed to get gifts for all 7 of us kids.  We would pull all of them out from under the tree and separate them all into piles for each member of the family.  Doing what kids do best, comparing each others piles and then moaning about who had how many, and why it was not even.  I am certain that we distressed my mother upon seeing this in action.

I remember one year, I really wanted a rugby shirt....I LOVED them.  I remember going into a store with my mother and looking, and FEELING the fabric between my fingers.  I am sure I let her know just how much I would love to have one, and then we left.  On Christmas morning as we opened all our gifts to each other, I wondered if there was a rugby shirt under the tree.  And there was!  With my brothers name on it.  Yes I knew that the one I had looked at was in the boys section, but I did not care.  I loved the look, and the feel of it.  And so did he as he slid it over his head.  I am not sure how good of a job I did hiding my dismay, but he loved it just as much as I would have.  

I know with my own kids, how very difficult it can be trying to keep track of all that there is in life, and with the needs of each one, and to do our best to keep things even.  In the end we all understand that things will not always be even....and at times feel very unfair.   Life has taken some turns for me this year.  At the end of December life changed yet again.  And Curt and I finalized our divorce.  

I was so disappointed that Christmas not to have gotten that shirt I wanted so very much.  And there are days now that I feel like such a disappointment.  Yet hidden back under the tree, at the end of the day when we opened that final present, I did get that shirt that I was hoping to find.  And it did mean so much more to me when I opened it.  Certain that it was not going to be mine, and then knowing that my amazing parents had heard my wishes, made it a year I would never forget.  

I have no idea what is in the future, or even what is for dinner for that matter, but I have a feeling that things will work out.  Someone knows what lies inside each of those presents that are waiting, hidden in this journey that we call life.  They may not all be beautiful and brilliant, and in fact often times they are not what we desire.  But they are all still treasures none the less....and some of the best are the ones we have to unwrap and polish ourselves.  

I think it's my turn to be polished...I wonder what I will find